You'd think, given the amount of time I spend playing with it, I'd know my penis pretty well, but today I discovered something quite significant about it that I somehow haven't known my whole life.
I've always known that I was circumcised as a child. I believed it was because my foreskin was too tight and it was making it difficult for me to wee. I remember having problems going to the toilet when I was very young. I can remember it hurting, and sometimes feeling as though I couldn't finish. In particular, I remember struggling to wee outside a circus, and in the car park of a pub.
I also have vague memories of having an operation and coming home with my penis bandaged, but I was always told this was just a standard circumcision.
But today, I was messing around with the NHS app and I found it listed my medical history. Thankfully, I don't have much medical history, but there were three entries from when I was four which were:
Hypospadias, glandular.
Stenosis of urinary meatus.
Hypospadias repair.
Given the year, I assumed this was related to my penis, but didn't know what these medical terms meant, and obviously being four years and eight months old at the time, I don't recall. So, I turned to ChatGPT for an explanation, and it turns out I hadn't just been circumcised because my foreskin was tight, what actually happened to my poor little dick is much more interesting.
It turns out I had hypospadias, a condition I would have had since birth. Basically, this means the opening of my wee pipe wasn't in the usual position at the very tip of my penis. Mine was glandular hypospadias, one of the mildest forms, meaning the opening was still on the head of my penis but further underneath than it should have been.
ChatGPT told me I also had meatal stenosis, which means the opening itself was too narrow. So it wasn't a tight foreskin that was making it difficult for me to wee, it was the abnormally narrow opening of my urethra.
To fix this, I basically had plastic surgery on my dick, which I never knew. Of course, my foreskin was also removed as part of the operation, which explains why I grew up believing I'd simply been circumcised.
ChatGPT couldn't tell me exactly what the surgeon did to me without the original operation notes, but for this condition, the surgery involves enlarging the narrowed urinary opening, moving or reconstructing it into a more normal position towards the tip of the penis, and reshaping the surrounding tissue around it.
It's actually quite clever. I had part of my penis reconstructed when I was four years old, it healed, grew with me through puberty and into adulthood, and it was done so well that, until today, I had no idea that it had happened.
After finding this out, I studied my penis, perhaps more than I ever have before, and there are clues. There are little ridges and irregularities underneath the head and what appears to be a seam running down part of the shaft. I just thought these were signs of a circumcision, but I guess not.
The discovery also sent me back through some other memories involving my penis. When I was about 12 I was referred to hospital for an unrelated issue. It was a female doctor, I guess a paediatrician or urologist. She asked me questions and performed an ultrasound scan. Then, she asked me to pull open the front of my pants so she could look at my penis. She asked permission to touch it and briefly held it between two fingers.
I never understood what she was doing. It didn't seem as though she actually did anything, but knowing my medical history now might explain the examination. She was probably examining me to ensure there wasn't a physical urinary problem given my history. The doctor may simply have been inspecting the reconstructed urethral opening.
Today's discovery also made me wonder about my size. Could this birth defect also have affected the growth of my penis? Well, it turns out that's possible, but not likely in my case. Apparently, more severe forms of hypospadias can sometimes occur alongside differences in penile development.
Then there are the psychological questions. When I first discovered the joys of masturbation as a kid, I remember the overwhelming sensitivity that followed an orgasm, and because I knew I'd had an operation on my cock, I assumed something was wrong with it.
I thought my foreskin was supposed to provide a protective covering that prevented the head of the penis from becoming overstimulated after ejaculation, and because mine had been removed, I thought the operation had left me damaged.
I even worried that I wouldn't be able to get a woman pregnant. I thought that after ejaculating inside a woman I would need to continue thrusting to push the semen further inside her. But I worried that the uncomfortable sensation would make me incapable of doing whatever was necessary and having kids.
Of course, I eventually learned that the extreme sensitivity was normal and that ejaculation itself takes care of the delivery.
It's weird to think now that the oversensitivity I felt was once something that worried me, but now I am, of course, fully aware and well versed in post-orgasm torture and how that form of torture can be fun as part of a femdom relationship.
And thinking about kinky things, the more I thought about all of this, the more I wondered whether any of these experiences contributed to my sexuality and enjoyment of some of my submissive tendencies like power exchange, humiliation, small penis humiliation, and cock and ball torture.
Could having painful problems with my penis from such a young age, undergoing genital surgery at four, growing up knowing something had been done to it, and then having an embarrassing examination by a female doctor at around 12 have contributed to some of those interests? Maybe.
The hospital examination in particular contains several ingredients that subsequently became sexually significant to me: a woman in a position of authority, my penis becoming the focus of her attention, being instructed to expose myself, vulnerability and embarrassment.
But it's easy to match these past experiences to known traits retrospectively. Plenty of boys have embarrassing medical examinations without developing humiliation fetishes, and plenty of submissive men have never undergone childhood genital surgery. Perhaps these experiences contributed something. Perhaps they didn't.
It's been an interesting day discovering that something I thought I knew about myself for my entire life wasn't actually true. I wasn't simply circumcised because I had a tight foreskin. In fact, I don't actually know precisely why the surgeon removed my foreskin or how it related to the reconstruction surgery performed on my penis. But whatever they did, they did such a good job that decades later I've only just discovered what the operation was actually for.
